A freeing feeling

It simply amazes me how many people consider themselves victims. It is one of my challenges, my growing edge, to sympathize with someone that is staying stuck. I realize that we all have our valleys, go through depression, and face difficulties and frustrations. What frustrates me ( thankfully I have learned how to let it go ) is that that is as far as some people can see. They claim, they can't do anything else, or they wish they could, or they should have or the could have, but they didn't. Some people blame others for all their problems, rather than identifying that they problem might be that they refuse to make any changes in their lives.

They blame the jobs, the kids, the parents, the past, the government, even God, but they never realize that they might have some part in the difficulties that are continuing in their lives. At what point does one become responsible for their own actions and choices?

I have argued this point with several people. They know my stories of abuse, of broken bones, surgery, black eyes, degradation and humiliation. I always say that the first time it was his fault, the second time was mine. NOT that I am to blame for abuse. Abuse is wrong. But at some point, I am responsible for my choices and I chose to stay, knowing that what was happening was not healthy and was not right.

I know that might sound kind of hard edged. But after I was hit once, I chose to stay. I can rationalize all the reasons I stayed, I could waste time to justify my staying by emphasizing my personal weaknesses ( ie. wanting to be loved, low self esteem etc) but the BOTTOM LINE IS I STAYED. Not only did I stay for another day or two, I stayed for years!

WE all must all be accountable to ourselves first. We must take the blame for our choices, forgive ourselves and move forward. To continually blame others weakens us. WE need to realize that there was some kind of lesson to come out of it.

For myself I learned a number of things. I learned that I am incredibly strong. I also learned what kind of long term relationship I want. I learned how to identify partners I would run the other way from. I learned that we all have faults. I learned to forgive, not only myself , but those that hurt me. I learned to get up, dust off and start again.

I would not take back those nights spent shaking, awaiting the next blow to the face, but as crazy as it sounds, there was a reason for it. That experience led me to be the person I am today, and I really like myself, and others like me too. Those experiences shaped my life and helped me to define my purpose in life. So although the abuser had no right to violate me like that, I am so blessed to be able to reverse it and see what good came from it. I wish everyone could do the same. It is such a freeing feeling!