Leaving it Behind (life in the shelter)

The day had come . For two weeks I had been packing and planning. It had been difficult. To part with my dog, to find someone to take care of the cat, to change schools for the kids the third time in a year. I didn't have any money, and I was without a job, but I knew I no longer belonged here. It was time to leave this life behind and move forward to bigger and better things.

"I am moving to the shelter," I told people. "Why, isn't there somewhere else you could go?" they would ask. It was not really about finding somewhere else to go. It was about surrendering to the difficulties and trying to re-think things. I suppose if I wanted to I could have borrowed some money off of some people, went and got a job, stayed in a town I did not like, lonely and isolated, and eventually returned to the same destructive relationship I was fleeing from. However, plan A worked for me. I was focused on making a clean break this time. That was to get to a shelter, to utilize all the help I could to get me on my feet. My goals had become quite clear to me, to try to get all my bills in order, to get the kids into counselling and get myself stable enough that I could get out of this cycle I had been living for 10 years.

When I got the shelter and was greeted by the staff it was like walking into a home where I felt loved and cared for. Supportive housing means just that. It was just what I needed this time to make the everlasting changes. They told me all the rules that I would have to obide by. I understood, to manage a house with 20 women, you have to have some kind of organization. They told me there was no rush for me to move out of there. They saw that I was putting forth 100% effort, doing all I could, looking for jobs, attending courts, getting in touch with creditors and trying to get life in order. All the things I had neglected while I was busy living in chaos, now had to be taken care of. The fact that I did not have to pay for shelter freed up some space for me to focus on getting everything else done without the worries of housing on top of that.

In those short three months I got more accomplished than I did in my entire life. It was great to be with women that were in the same boat you were. They helped me through the valleys and celebrated my triumphs, such as getting an apartment, getting a job, winning in court or just getting a new resume. The counsellors were wonderful. I recall a beautiful female housing worker who used to sit with me in the early am everyday, when I told her of my life. I used to think she was so beautiful on the outside, but now I realize it was just her inside shining through to the outside. She sat with me in the smoking lounge every shift because none of the other residents were up. Her words will always be very inspiring and motivating, and they helped me to feel like a real person. She said, " I am not allowed to be your friend when you leave here (it's a conflict of interest), but I would like you to know, that if I was able to be your friend you are the kind of person I would like know." This was very validating for my own self worth and esteem. I will forever be grateful to this counsellor who was able to let her guard down long enough to be human and acknowledge the humanness in me. I did not feel like it was "us" and "them".

My life in the shelter is one I will forever be grateful for. I met some wonderful people who resided with me and are my friends to this day, and I met some wonderful counsellors and aftercare workers who really helped me through the tough times. Together I was able to problem solve and get where I am today, and that is someone that is very content with her life, and very independent.