Thoughts from the Shelter

I often think of how content I am by myself. I have been alone now for a nearly 7 years. By alone, I mean not in a romantic, long term relationship. I still have lots of relationships that are wonderful and very fulfilling.

So many people tell me how hard it must be to raise my children on my own. NOT REALLY. I seem to have had support where and when I needed it. I have spent a few years learning to love myself.

I am not sure, to be honest, if a relationship is that important. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have, and then at other times I think that it might get in the way of doing what I need to do for myself. All relationships require work, and compromise, and I am not sure that I am willing to sacrifice my time to put the energy into that right now.

The reason I am blogging about this is I recently read my journal from the months that I lived in the shelter. I was able to clearly define my fears and the top of the list was Being alone. It is ironic how time changes our perception. My biggest fear has now become a choice, and something that I enjoy.

When living in the shelter, I felt very lonely. That loneliness lasted for a few months. I do not have any feelings of loneliness now. I enjoy my privacy and my time with me. Sometimes I make jokes that I am my favourite company to keep. As I write this blog today I am referring back to my notes of February, 2001.

My fears were:
of financial stress
being empty
never meeting people
being unloved
being abandoned
being hurt

My goals at that time were:
to find a stable job
to heal myself
to be independent
to be self sufficient

I must acknowledge that I have accomplished these things. It is amazing if you really focus on something how much you can get accomplished. And it just proves to me that if I can do it, anybody can.

Peace
Joanne